Dear Bishop Heather,
Grace, peace, and mercy to you from God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.
I haven’t met you personally, nor am I a resident of your diocese. In fact, I’m fairly certain I’ve never set foot in the great State of Maryland, although I’ve been to Virginia several times and D.C. twice. I’ve spent pretty much my entire life living in either the Diocese of Western North Carolina or the Diocese of Upper South Carolina. To be honest, I don’t think I had even heard of you until December of last year.
All of that is to say that I don’t know you. I don’t know your story, except what’s become public knowledge through various media sources. (You may get a chuckle out of the fact that I very nearly said “via media” there. I’ve been an Episcopalian for twenty-three years and four months—that’s my whole life—and I’m often surprised, and sometimes amused, by how unconsciously ingrained my Anglicanism is. Were you born an Episcopalian, or something else? What has your faith journey been like?)
I’ve never shaken your hand. We’ve never had lunch together. I don’t know how you take your coffee—or if, like me, you don’t drink coffee at all. I don’t know what your guilty-pleasure TV show of choice is. Honey Boo Boo? The Real Housewives of Someplace? Duck Dynasty? (No judgment here—I’m a faithful Dance Moms enthusiast myself, and if that doesn’t qualify as trashy TV, I don’t know what does.) I don’t know what you think of your parents, or what your best childhood memory is, or the coolest trip you’ve ever taken. Have you ever been to Europe? Hiked the Appalachian Trail? Driven across the country just for fun? Where did you go to college, and what classes did you enjoy most? Who are your heroes? When did you first feel the call to be a priest? Are you a good dancer? Can you carry a tune? Are you named after someone? Do you have a favorite hymn or a favorite Bible verse? Cat person or dog person? What’s on your bucket list?
My point is, I don’t know the answers to any of these questions, because I don’t know you. I don’t know much about who you are. Pretty much all I know is that you’re the Bishop Suffragan of Maryland and that, on the third day of Christmas last year, you killed a cyclist with your car while driving drunk. That’s all the average person really knows about you, because that’s what’s been on the news, and those are the only things upon which most people are able to base opinions and judgments of you.
Because of that, a lot of the opinions and judgments people have about you are extremely negative. There is so much anger and confusion and hurt surrounding the whole situation. And I’m not going to say that what you did isn’t bad. It was really, really bad. But you know that. I think you’ve probably heard that enough. I know firsthand what shame and guilt can do to a person, and I have no desire to contribute to whatever vortex of shame you have swirling around inside you right now.
And I certainly don’t think I’m any better than you. While I’m not an alcoholic or a substance abuser, I do understand addiction, and I know that it can happen to anyone. As I’ve heard many wise voices in the Church say about your situation, “There but for the grace of God go any of us.”
I honestly can’t fully understand how you must feel right now. I don’t know how to drive—I’m supposed to start learning this semester—but one of my worst fears is that I’m going to hit a squirrel or a bird or, like, a possum or something. (Or, God forbid, a cat or a dog.) I can’t even begin to imagine how it must feel to have hit a person, particularly since he died as a result. Just killing a squirrel would probably be enough to scar me for life.
I want you to know that you’re not a horrible person. I say that with authority, because you are God’s child, and God doesn’t make horrible people. Granted, all of us do horrible things, to varying extents, but none of us are horrible people. Our actions can make it harder for others to see the image of God in us—although one might argue that’s just as much their problem as it is ours—but nothing we do can ever, ever erase or even damage that image. We are God-bearers, all of us, and that is what defines us in God’s eyes. In the eyes of others, we are often defined by the worst thing we’ve ever done—particularly if the worst thing we’ve ever done ends up all over the news, like in your case—but that’s because other people are just as human as we are. (I have no formal theological training and may be way off-base here, but I’m going to attempt to get into some theology here. Bear with me.) It is our sin—our tendency to deviate from the character of God because we aren’t God—that causes us to do things like drink and drive, but when others define us in terms of whatever we’ve done, I think they’re sinning too, because they’re denying the image of God in another human being. (That actually sounds a lot like the sin against the Holy Spirit, at least the way I understand it.)
You are not the sum of all the worst things you’ve done in your life. You are not your alcoholism. You are not the blood on your tires or the liquor on your breath or the addicted neuron pathways in your brain. You are not the news headlines or the angry blog posts or the Facebook comments. You are not the opinions and judgments that anyone—including me—has of you. You are not your sin. You are not your shame.
You are a child of God, created in God’s image, blessed with God’s gifts, and sent to this world to do God’s work. You are God’s beloved, God’s treasure, and God’s masterpiece. You are God’s partner in bringing about the reign of God—shalom, as Bishop Katharine is fond of saying—and an heir to the abundant feast God has prepared for us.
You are Heather, and you are God’s. Nothing you have done or ever could do has the power to change that. At baptism, you were “sealed with the Holy Spirit and marked as Christ’s own forever”. Forever does not mean “contingent upon you not getting drunk and hitting anyone with your car, in which case, all bets are off.” Forever means forever, always, no matter what. world without end.
Many have dubbed your situation a “fall from grace”. Some of the more liturgically-savvy among them point out that perhaps the phrase is especially appropriate in your case, since you’re a bishop, and the correct way to address a bishop is “Your Grace”. Ecclesiastical wordplay aside, however, I would argue that invoking the term “fall from grace” is not appropriate at all, because there is nowhere we can run to, fall to, or otherwise end up in that’s outside of God’s grace.
I mean, look at King David. Not exactly the most upstanding guy, right? They didn’t have cars back then, but he definitely killed somebody, and he did it in a very calculated and intentional way. It wasn’t a drunken accident. (Again, I’m not trying to say that what you did was okay, or that you’re not responsible for it.) In fact, within two pages of becoming King, he’d broken every single commandment. All ten of them. Probably committed all seven deadly sins too. He definitely managed to screw everything up pretty royally, if you’ll pardon the pun.
But how do we remember him? How did the Israelites remember him? Being compared to King David was about the highest compliment you could be given back then. They didn’t define him as “David, the murderous man-whore who had someone killed so he could sleep with the dude’s wife”. They remembered him—and we remember him now—as “David, a man after God’s own heart.”
I mean, yeah, there was the thing with Bathsheba and Uriah and that was really bad. But that’s not ultimately how we define David as a person. He’s not the sum of all the bad things he did. And neither are you. What happened with Tom Palermo was really, really bad. I don’t want to disrespect his memory or brush off his death as anything less than a tragic and unnecessary loss of human life. I’m just saying that his death, or the fact that you caused it, isn’t what ultimately makes you who you are as a person.
I like what St. Julian of Norwich says about how God sees our sin. (She’s my confirmation saint, and she’s influenced my theology a lot.) Julian saw no wrath in God, even in response to human sin. Why? Because God’s so much bigger than us. Julian visualized the whole Universe, all things seen and unseen, as a tiny thing no bigger than a hazelnut, while God was this infinite, glorious, radiant light that filled up a never-ending room and then some.
God sees us, according to St. Julian, not as rebellious teenagers who know better and choose to deliberately defy our parents anyway. When we’re teenagers, most of us are about the same size as our parents, and, even though our brains aren’t all the way developed yet, we’re very close to being considered adults and expected to do a lot of the adult things our parents do, like get jobs and apartments and pay our own bills. Teenagers may not be as worldly and wise as they fancy themselves to be– I was a teenager just a few years ago, and I only very recently stopped knowing everything– but they know enough to be held accountable, within reason, for their behavior most of the time.
But to God, we aren’t teenagers. We’re toddlers. We’re tiny. We’re just learning. A toddler’s brain is not even close to being done developing. Sure, some toddlers are smarter than others, but either way, we’re talking about someone who eats glue. Yes, toddlers throw tantrums, but not because they’re “bad”. They throw tantrums because they don’t have the communication skills or the reasoning ability necessary to express themselves the way adults might like them to. Toddlers make messes in their diapers, but not because they’re “bad”. That happens because they’re not potty-trained yet. And, according to St. Julian, we never get to be much more than a toddler compared to God. And just like we don’t hold it against toddlers too much when they escape in public places or pitch a fit in the grocery store or eat glue (because after all, they’re two years old), that’s how God sees us, because God is just that much bigger than us.
Remember when David was talking to Nathan, and Nathan told him that story, and then David realized he was really talking about him? And David had that giant—excuse my language—“oh, shit!” moment, and that’s what turned things around for him. That’s when the healing and reconciliation began: when he realized his sin and took responsibility for it. I think healing and reconciliation are what God desires for all of us, including you. It’s when we decide to repent—turn around, teshuvah in Hebrew—that the process of being healed and restored to right relationship with God and the rest of the world can begin. God loves repentance and turning around more than anything, I think. In the words of my mentor, “God loves much teshuvah more than instant perfection.” The prodigal father killed the fatted calf not for the son who got it right all along, but for the one who screwed up everything beyond belief and then had the humility to come home. Was he mad about what his son did? No! He threw a party because he came back!
I think God throws parties like that in Heaven when any of us makes that choice. It doesn’t just take humility—it takes courage, too. Do you have children? I’m not sure if you do. But how would you feel if any of them did something wrong and then thought that they couldn’t come to you about it because they honestly believed you might not love them anymore? Devastated, right? And I think that’s how God feels when we make the same mistake of believing we might have done something too bad for God to love us. I think God is horrified and heartbroken when we worry that we might have gone too far this time, or that we might have sinned bigger than God’s grace can cover. Yes, God weeps with the family of Tom Palermo, and the community that loved him. But God weeps with you too, Bishop! God aches because of the awful shame and guilt that must be consuming you. God is like a mother who desires nothing more than for you to run headlong, full speed, back home to her and climb up onto her lap so she can kiss you and tell you that she loves you more than you’ll ever know.
I want you to know that I love you, Bishop Heather. I may never have met you, but does that matter? You’re a part of the Body of Christ. You’re a child of God. And so am I—that makes us family. It makes us sisters. And as your little sister, I want you to know that I love you, that I forgive you, and that I’ve prayed for you daily ever since your accident. Whatever ends up happening as far as ecclesiastical and judicial proceedings, and whatever anyone says to you or about you, please don’t forget who you are.
And please don’t forget who God is, and how desperately he loves you, and that his will for you is reconciliation, healing, and growth—not death or shame or divine punishment. (This is the Sulfur-Free Jesus blog; if you’re looking for hellfire and damnation, you’re in the wrong place.)
God loves you. I love you. Whatever happens, you’re in my heart and prayers, and probably the hearts and prayers of many others too.
I believe fervently that so much good and so much redemption can come out of what has happened, tragic and awful though it may be. I don’t believe God ever causes suffering, but I believe God redeems all things. Even horrible things. And as horrible as this situation is for everyone involved, I think God will find a way to be revealed through it.
In the words of St. Julian, “all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.”
Respectfully yours in Christ,
Anna M. Howell
54 thoughts on “An Open Letter to the Right Reverend Heather Elizabeth Cook”
mrsmariposa2014
Beautiful, heart-felt, and absolutely on-target. Thank you for expressing the unpopular but necessary truth. I am reminded of what I prayed years ago: let me see people through Your eyes, God. I have been wrecked ever since, pierced over and over witha level of compassion few of my fellow believers understand.
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TheRaceRadio
Anna and mrsmarisposa2014, thank you so so much for these wonderful thoughts. We are all grieving for the man Heather Cook killed. And the entire Episcopal Church in America reels at the scandal its leadership continues to bring on the Church. Thank you.
I want you to know that Bishop Sutton has hired the private company of Meredith Gould for “crisis communications.” Gould has public bragged that she does this only for money and that, her words, “I am not even an Episcopalian!” She has been rabid on social media since being hired in defending Bishop Sutton, but has hidden the fact that he pays her to write her comments. Probably she will find your page too, Anna.
She also hid the fact that she is the wife of Daniel J. Webster, who is canon for evangelism and ministry development in the Episcopal Diocese of Maryland. He is a former journalist and media spin expert himself. It is interesting to see how someone who is employed by the Episcopalian Church is also able to get business to do similar work for his wife’s company. Daniel Webster in fact, according to his wife (Gould), called the Washington Post to have their article on Bishop Sutton’s and Bishop Jefferts Schori’s roles in enabling Cook changed.
This is what Webster wrote as Director of Communications for the Episcopalian Diocese of Utah some years ago: “It is about power and control. It is about “doing it my way.” It has little to do with biblical orthodoxy and apostasy. It comes down to winners and losers. As Anglicans, it probably should be no surprise if we look at our history. Murder, assassination, trials, incarceration, slander, mayhem have all been used to resolve internal church disputes.” http://www.thewitness.org/agw/…
Christians and Americans want truth and honesty, just as you so rightly pointed out, Anna. We do not want our churches controlled by nefarious spin doctors who hide wrongdoing and do not allow religion and the courts to do their work.
Thank you, Anna, for your deep concern and help.
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Brondel Xmasias
You know there will be private grief and pain on both sides of this. But who are you (we) to intrude on that private grief. This is a typical Christian approach to offer advice in the spirit of evangelism. Sorry but you need to look to your own ‘salvation’ first, work on the self, enquire within to find out who you are, what are your ‘sins’ and virtues, have you got life sorted, will you ever be in the position of either Heather or her victim(s). Who knows but its worrying that you think you have that sorted clearly enough to offer an open opinion on it. Don’t trust your opinions they are just delusions; don’t speak of living as an example, just live. I usually hate management phrases but ‘walking the talk’ is appropriate – live a good life Anna, don’t talk it.
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Anna Howell
I’m very curious as to what you think I need to “sort out” before I’m allowed to offer compassion to someone.
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momfawn
Right on, young lady! Bishop Cook is miserable enough, people need to stop berating her about her actions and acknowledge her as a child of God. – Fawn
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Jay Tucker
Anna, thanks for posting an open letter to Bishop Heather. You’ve challenged my capacity to forgive and love both victims (offending and defending), despite recognizing the pain and loss that Tom Palermo’s death means to his family and community. Keep pressing against the grain of common human response…you are showing us an unconditionally loving God!
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adrienpdawson
Anna, I don’t know you. But after reading your blog, I want to know you. Your insight and ability to live as a member of the “Body of Christ” acknowledging every other member of the body as precious and holy gives me hope. Thank you for sharing yourself in this way. Indeed, and in time, all shall be well!
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Deb Trowbridge
My name is Deb and my husband of 27 years was killed by a drunk driver 5 years ago.. Tell me how you would feel if your husband, child, grandchild , mom or dad didn’t come home one day because they were killed by a drunk or drugged driver ?? Unless it had happened to you ?? You will never know the pain I have suffered! I still suffer today and it is with me everyday and with every decision I have had to make since 2009!! Like selling my home because I can’t afford it by myself , getting laid off last year and losing my health insurance ?? My first grandchild that will never meet his grandfather ?
I just wanted to voice my side of the story ..
RIP Gilbert Trowbridge 1955 -2009
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Anna Marion Howell
I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. May he rest in peace and rise in glory.
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Shannon
Deb, even if I suffered the loss of someone I love to an impaired driver, I still wouldn’t understand YOUR pain and loss. Mine would overwhelm me, as I’m imagining yours does you many times each day. God does love all of us sinners, even those we humans consider unlovable. I’m so sorry for your loss(es). Praying for you right now in Christ’s peaceful love.
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Paul
Thanks for your honesty and grace-filled way of authentically tying in Scripture.
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John Fortunato
Dear Ms. Howell: I think your open letter is an enormous pile of bliss-ninny horse manure. The woman drove drunk. She texted while driving and drunk. She knew both were wrong, dangerous and illegal and did them anyway. She also, as a trained pastor, knew what she needed to do to get help for her addiction and she didn’t. She killed a man, a father, a husband. I hope she goes to prison for the rest of her life. Maybe she’ll be lucky and there will be A.A. meetings in her place of incarceration. So, am I cold and heartless?I began my career as a forensic psychologist, working at Cook County Jail in Chicago. I worked with any number of murderers and man-slaughterers. If a person was addicted to cocaine or heroine and, while under the influence, killed someone, guess what happened? Love, mercy and forgiveness? No, justice. Maybe later the opportunity for grace mediated by a chaplain in a prison where they were either to be executed or serve life sentences. Ms. Cook should serve many years in prison for what she has done. I hope she experiences guilt and does penance every day of her life for the horrible thing she has done. What she is probably working on, however, is getting the best possible attorney either to try to ‘get off’ or to get the most lenient sentence she can. Alcoholics have a natural propensity for easily forgiving themselves for what they’ve done while drunk. Which is why Ms. Cook has a PRIOR arrest for DUI during which I’m sure she promised never ever to do it again. No mercy. None. In A.A., that’s called tough love.
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Anna Marion Howell
I am not saying Bishop Heather should not face both legal and ecclesiastical penalties– whatever the appropriate consequences are deemed to be, which isn’t for me to decide. I am only saying that she is a person, and a child of God, and not simply the sum of her mistakes. Her humanity and the image of God within her are not negated by anything she has done or could do.
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Arthur LaRue
How do you define “love” ? Have you read the New Testament?
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Mary Doman
I found it interesting that you did not detail the damage done by David’s actions: the planned murder of Uriah, the death of his first child with Bathsheba, and the disintegration of David’s household (rape of his daughter Tamar by his son Amnon, the murder of Amnon and betrayal of David by his son Absolom, and finally the murder of Absolom). As much as God loves each one of us and sent His Son to die in our place, He still allows us to suffer the pain of our actions. Part of that suffering is to endure the suffering we have caused others (sometimes for a lifetime) with our actions, which is made very clear in the story of David. For Heather Cook, I believe being relieved of the office of bishop is appropriate; it may very well be that she should also be relieved of her priesthood, at least for awhile. She should be given time in prison appropriate for the crime she chose to commit (and yes it was a choice)–texting and drinking while driving, and leaving the scene of an accident. Fortunately, the mercy of God is also to be found in prison.
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Ryan Newman
Anna, I hear your heartfelt intent in this open letter, which I commend you for. Yes, Heather Cook is a child of God, and each of us need to be reminded of our sacred uniqueness. Where I struggle deeply with this letter is the absent voices and faces of thousands who are killed each year by drunk driving. Your passion and compassion for Heather is deeply evident, but what about writing first a letter of compassion and grace to Thomas Palermo’s wife and children, or the countless families who have had their lives destroyed. If Heather was not a Bishop, not a white, educated person, from affluency, would you be crafting such a letter, because there are thousands of Heather Cook’s throughout the US, but their lack of notoriety, standing in society, background, and minimal resources preclude them from obtaining the legal, physiological, and pastoral support that Heather Cook is already recieving. In reminding Heather “that all will be well” in God, are you hoping, as we see a little bit of ourselves in Heather, that we too will be given the grace that is being offered in your letter and ultimately by God? “All will not be well” for Heather, for Thomas, both their family and friends . . . God does not wipe their (our) hearts and minds clean, God redeems us through grace. Anna you were courageous, and faithful by offering your letter, but I feel too much attention is being given to Heather Cook, especially because what and who she represents. I’m saddened that our energy, thoughts, and prayers are not more concentrated on the victims who have no voice, the victims who have no standing, the victims who do not know about God’s love and grace. A letter to Heather seems premature and uncalled for–for that reason it angers and disturbs me . . . Such a letter further opens the wounds of the defenseless and wounded. Right now, we can’t look at Thomas’ wife and children and say “all will be well”. If we can’t say it to them, we sure shouldn’t say it to Heather Cook right now.
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Timbo
This woman is a pariah that religious leaders knew full and well was a loaded weapon, but chose to look the other way for the sake of Christian politics. This poor family will suffer the ultimate loss and that miserable THING you, you make excuses for in the name of GOD no less. Not only was she incredibly self centered and narcissistic she was the mirror image of the organization she headed. Peace, love and tears to that destroyed family that not only she, but the church as well is ultimately responsible for. The God I believe in has already made his/her moves so all this bellyaching is for not. So put yourself above others with fake forgiveness if you choose but remember this, you never knew her, those that could have mattered did!
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Anna Marion Howell
I refuse to add my voice to the virtual mob screeching for Heather Cook’s blood. I will never make excuses for her, or for any addict, but I will also never stop proclaiming her to be a human being and a child of God first and foremost.
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TheRaceRadio
Anna, so true. Thank you.
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Sharon
Anna, Your letter to Heather was well-written,and well-intended, and I believe most Christians would agree on some level–atleast they might after the anger subsides. Heather, while in her short term as Bishop Suffragan of the Diocese of Maryland, exhibited the skills, experience and leadership that is so badly needed here. Her pastoral stills and her understanding of small congregations were the proof that we needed that she was right for the job. Many might overlook that losing her is a tragedy for us also. I think many here are grieving that loss which seems so inconsequential in the face of the loss that the Palermo family will have to face for years to come..In Kubler-Ross’ 5 stages of grief, anger is the 2nd stage. It is going to take along time for us, too, to work through our grief.
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Anna Marion Howell
Because I wrote this post and it got so much attention, I have had the opportunity to speak with many people (including some employees of the diocese) who have known the Bishop personally. I’m told that she’s a wonderful person, incredibly pastoral, and bursting with love, and that her gifts blessed many people in Maryland. I know this is a great loss for your diocese, and you all are in my prayers.
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TheRaceRadio
Anna, from all of us ordinary folk in the Maryland diocese, thank you, thank you. You understand our pain. Learning that our Bishop Cook was terribly drunk, texting and driving, and that poor Mr. Tom Palermo died after she ran him over and drove away leaving him there suffering has broken our hearts. Like you we seek from God forgiveness for all his children who make mistakes, the alcoholics and drug addicts who kill in our society (like our dear Bishop Heather), those who rob, those who murder, those who blow up buildings and kill innocent people, the politicians who lie, and the bankers who put widows on the street. All these people who are bursting with love and then make a mistake that causes someone to suffer and die. Thank you for feeling our loss and having us in your prayers. We will keep you in our prayers always.
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Anna Marion Howell
O Lamb of God that takest away the sins of the world: Have mercy upon us.
O Lamb of God that takest away the sins of the world: Have mercy upon us.
O Lamb of God that takest away the sins of the world: Grant us Thy peace. Amen.
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Veronica Dagher
Interesting post with some nice, warm thoughts and some good points. Wish you had spilled this much ink for the victim & his family. But maybe you did?
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Anna Marion Howell
My heart has been greatly warmed by the outpouring of support I’ve seen for the Palermos, and they are certainly in my prayers as well. What I have not seen is any such compassionate, loving outreach to Heather, nor any sort of willingness to sit with her in what is also a dark time for her. That was where I felt God calling me, and I answered that call with this post.
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Mary Doman
Anna, Bishop Heather’s standing as a loved child of God is not in question. What has engendered so many negative comments is that she has not acknowledged her wrongdoing, she has not taken responsibility for it, and she has not begun the process of making restitution. She could easily enter a plea of ‘no contest’ and avoid a trial that is sure to bring pain to the Palermo family. She could gracefully relinquish her office of bishop, graciously accept whatever sentence is given to her, and end the nightmare for herself and the diocese.
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Anna Marion Howell
I fervently pray she will find that courage, because it will lead to so much healing for everyone involved, herself included.
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Matthew
Thanks so much for this compassionate and loving response. I just found your blog because this post was shared on facebook but you really knocked it out of the park with this post. I wish there were more responses like this. You have given me hope and I’m so glad I read this today. My dad was an alcoholic (he even died because of it) but he had so many wonderful qualities and gifts and talents and he brought so much joy to my life (even though he was very intoxicated a week before his death). Sometimes people don’t “get” that. Peace.
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Anna Marion Howell
I’m sorry for the loss of your father– may he rest in peace and rise with the saints on the last day. I am fully aware of– and quite saddened by– the fact that responses like this have been rare. Most people are out for blood when they ought to be praying for healing. I want to see Heather blossom. I want to see her take responsibility by her actions, allow herself to be transformed by the recovery process, and be made new– as Episcopalians, we hold a deep belief in God as one who can make all things new, even (and perhaps especially?) out of horrible situations and the basest levels of human sin and wretchedness. I want to see Heather claim her story and use it to proclaim hope for wholeness to others– probably not as a bishop, but in whatever role she is called to next. I want to see a phoenix rise from these ashes. And I believe it’s possible through the One with whom ALL things are possible. Peace to you, Matthew, and thank you for your thoughtful comment.
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Martie Collins
A beautiful, compassionate letter. I am sorry to be negative, but please remember that there is not always a phoenix in the ashes. I hope and pray that Bishop Cook will find peace. But sometimes the answer to our prayers is “No” or “Not now.” And that is not because God does not love us. I am old enough to be your grandmother (even without being a teen mom), and I’m concerned for you. There may be a lot more sadness and ugliness to come, for Bishop Cook and for others in your life. The may be disillusion. Sometimes it is hard to love and pray. I guess all I can tell you is “Take care.”
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Anna Marion Howell
Of course I know it’s possible that her healing will take time, or perhaps won’t happen at all on this side of Heaven. I’m young, not stupid. And yes, I know that I’m hopeful– but why not choose to hope? It’s one of the three most important virtues, and as a friend pointed out after reading your comment, “I don’t know where in the scriptures Jesus ever told us to ‘toughen up’.” The ability to hope is the reason I’m alive– I can say that with certainty. Didn’t you hear me say I’m a fan of St. Julian? I’m all about radical optimism. I would always rather have a broken heart than a hard one.
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Martie Collins
I hope you don’t think I think you’re stupid. I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. We (the church and the world) need people like you. So many prefer hard hearts to broken ones.
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Bishop Edmund
I have edited one paragraph. Please read it. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, you are a hypocrite.
—-
I want you to know that I love you, Bishop Bob Duncan. I may never have met you, but does that matter? You’re a part of the Body of Christ. You’re a child of God. And so am I—that makes us family. It makes us brothers. And as your little brother, I want you to know that I love you, that I forgive you, and that I’ve prayed for you daily ever since your schism. Whatever ends up happening as far as ecclesiastical and judicial proceedings, and whatever anyone says to you or about you, please don’t forget who you are.
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Anna Marion Howell
Why would that make me uncomfortable? Of course I pray for the ACNA bishops– Duncan, Iker, Beach, all of them– and why wouldn’t I? It must be hard to do something as brave and difficult as start your own church, not to mention all the logistics involved in starting something new. I can’t even imagine. I’m perfectly happy in TEC, and I happen to think Katharine is the best thing since cheese grits, but if I felt God was truly calling me elsewhere, I hope that I would have the courage that they do to follow that call. I may not agree with them on most things, like whether I should be allowed to get married or be ordained, but that’s okay. Different people read the same text and end up in different places– and to be honest, I think where we end up is a lot less important than being willing to go on the journey to get there. And I respect very much that they followed their journey to where it led them.
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Paige Hanks
Thank you for the well written reminder of God’s call to his children to love one another. Loving one another is what Jeaus came to the world to teach us to do as we are saved from sin and death through his resurrection. Love is a choice we make as humans but there is no “asterisk” or “except for you” in this teaching. Picking sides and definitively believing all tragedies have a good person and a bad person does not allow us to be full of grace and mercy and puts our judgement ahead of our Lord’s.
Your heart for finding the face of Christ has given you a very special gift. For it is in forgiving that we are forgiven. Loving as God does is painful and messy and often causes a battle in our very flawed and human hearts. Since we have such a hard time forgiving ourselves it makes sense we have a harder time forgiving others. In fact, we use situations like this to pat ourselves on the back that at least we haven’t done “that!”
Thank you for being brave and bold. Just as God grieves our sins he celebrates our kingdom work. And I bet he couldn’t be prouder of yours.
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Julie
My mother was an Episcopalian Deacon. She was a great fan of St. Julian and she was a great believer in all the things you said in your letter. My mother used to say…” All shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well…” I loved hearing her say that. Thank you for bringing thoughts of my mother and the wonderful things she did back into the forefront of my mind. Your letter is kind and true and spiritual in all ways. We are not put on earth to judge we are here to love and forgive. Hate and anger does not not make the world a better place, love and forgiveness does. Thank you Heather for being brave and kind.
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Anna Marion Howell
My name is Anna, actually. But thank you for your comment.
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Nancy Waldo
You have written a beautiful expression of the Good News. Many have misunderstood what you have written. I hear from some of these reactive commenters their need for healing and for this good news. I pray that over time God will use what you have written for healing for many.
I am reminded of my heartache when the death of Osama bin Laden was greeted with such joy, even glee. I was not sorry that he was stopped from continuing to do evil, but there seemed to be no recognition in the media that he, too, was a child of and loved by God.
I pray that these events around the tragedies of Bishop Cook and Mr. Palermo will be redeemed by the healing love of this merciful God, even as Bishop Cook walks through the consequences of her choices.
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revrick38
Dear Heather,
Your letter made me cry, then weep as I read your quote from St. Julian – a favorite of my wife’s. I love that you refuse to issue burning flames of hell fire and choose to hope in God’s extravagant grace. You are clearly gifted, a gift from God, and a giver of grace. I thank God that you have been blessed with courage and clarity as well.
Peace,
Rick
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Anna Marion Howell
Actually, my name is Anna. Heather is the Suffragan Bishop of Maryland who killed a cyclist while driving drunk. I’m the author of the letter, and I’m writing it to her.
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arekexcelsior
I’m glad to see you making one of the most important points possible about compassion: People are more than the sum of their failures.
It’s really a point that goes far beyond how we judge an action. Someone can have done something benign or infinitely horrible. But we have to make a choice as to whether or not we view people as being saddled infinitely by their sins.
To some extent, the idea of original sin is actually the opposite of your analysis: It suggests that, because we make mistakes, we are forever sinners, doomed to hell. I think it’s a gross misunderstanding of Jesus’ ministry.
Because, practically speaking, someone can commit a monstrous deed one day and something great the next. The reason why redemption is possible at all is because we’re all a mixed bag.
https://thefredbc.wordpress.com/2015/01/17/hard-on-evil-soft-on-people/ has some of my analysis, in general, in the same vein. I think we have to have an understanding that evil isn’t in people, it just happens to flow through them. We have to take the stance that we want to reduce evil, at any cost, even if that means forgiving horrible actions.
That’s often confused for saying that people aren’t responsible for their actions. But anyone who loves knows the difference. Forgiveness is a process of recognizing the evil, then deciding to let it go. It’s an active process, not apathy and not pretending that responsibility doesn’t exist.
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Chris Wynn
Anna, you are amazing and wise beyond your years. Thank you for a most insightful, gracious and Christ-like open letter. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God and the communion of the Holy Spirit be with you.
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Anna Marion Howell
And with thy spirit, fellow beloved one of God. ❤
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Skip
Anna, your sense of God’s love and your determination to share it with Bp. Cook are admirable, but you are asking the wrong question. The issue is not whether a person, including Cook, is more than the sum of her sins, but whether she repents of those sins. The kingdom of God is for those who repent, and for the simple reason that an unrepentant heart cannot receive God’s love. So the right question is, has Cook repented? I don’t know, and I’m not trying to suggest that she has not. But all this talk, so much of it since the accident, talk exemplified by posts such as yours, talk so full of love and forgiveness, needs to be balanced with an awareness of the part repentance plays in God’s work of redemption. And the role of Cook’s brothers and sisters in Christ is not only to love and forgive, but to hold her accountable. I agree with those who call on her to waive the civil trial as an act of confession and atonement.
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Elisabeth S.
In this great tragedy we are drawn together. For what reason? Certainly not to erect the cross upon which to crucify Heather Cook. I have sins of my own to make amends for each day, I can not worry about counting Heather’s. I too join in a prayer for our sister Heather, our brother Thomas and his wife and children.
Heather, I offer prayers that in this most difficulty walk of your life that you are supported in doing what is needed to ease the pain of those that were injured by your actions. Heather, you are indeed not defined by this one moment of tragedy, but you can take the support offered here and around the world and continue your walk with God. Please now offer your plea of guilty immediately to the court and as requested by the family, cause them no more pain. Offer your heartfelt apology to the family of Thomas. Take up where he has left off in loving his family and supporting them. Liquefy all you own and offer it all to them as Thomas can no longer plan for and support his family and their future needs. I promise to be there with you as you demonstrate what Jesus would have done. I will offer support to Thomas’ family with you. I will offer you support also in the years to come. If you can not provide for all of their needs, I will offer some of my own meager means. It is a first step Heather. We will be there with you.
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Elisabeth S.
One addition: Here is the link to that YouCaring fund for Thomas’ chidlren.
http://www.youcaring.com/tuition-fundraiser/children-of-tom-palermo/283939
I will donate right now. I can not donate much, but will do so Heather, in support of your walk in your new mission to care for his family.
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Gerald S
And now she pleads “not guilty.” Still in denial and trying to get off with the help of slick lawyers. No evidence of repentance or humility, yet.
http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/episcopal-bishop-heather-cook-pleads-not-guilty-fatal-hit-run-n334756
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Anonymous
I came across your writings while searching (unsuccessfully) for confirmation of some information about the Heather Cook situation that was mentioned in a news report. I’m very glad to have come across your compassionate response to the tragedy!
If I may have a moment of your time, let me explain what I was searching for and why I was searching for it. There was a news report, months ago, that quoted a letter written to Heather Cook by someone official in the church. If the news report quoted or paraphrased the letter correctly, it stated, among other things, that she was henceforth barred from Communion. I accepted that as fact. However, I recently had a brief conversation with my priest in which he mentioned that even serial killers aren’t barred from Communion. I wanted to contradict him and say, “Our bishop who killed just ONE person is barred from Communion,” but it didn’t seem like the right moment to argue with a priest! (Is there ever such a moment?) Anyway, it’s been impossible for me to reconcile my priest’s all-are-welcome policy with what I saw in the news report. I’ve been trying to check if the news report was correct, but haven’t found anything useful at http://latestnews.episcopalmaryland.org/?page_id=18 or elsewhere. I’m very, very new to Episcopalianism (and frequently bewildered by it). Anyway, if what I saw IS true, I would be interested to know how you, with your compassionate response to Heather Cook’s situation, reconcile your attitude with that of the official church. If you happen to know that the news report was wrong, that would be good information to know.
I hope you allow anonymous comments, because I really don’t feel comfortable posting this under my name!
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Anna Marion Howell
To my knowledge, she is not barred from Communion– she just cannot be the person who consecrates the Eucharistic elements, because she is no longer technically a priest. All baptized persons are welcome to receive. She has been deposed– stripped of her ordination– but neither she nor any other baptized Christian can be turned away from Communion.
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Anonymous
Thank you very much for explaining that. It’s very good to know that she’s not completely barred from Communion and is prevented only from being on the priest’s side of the ritual. That’s a distinction that went right over my head when I saw the news report.
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Anna Marion Howell
The Eucharist cannot be denied to any baptized person for any reason that I know of.
Furthermore, Episcopalians believe that “receiving in one kind is equal to receiving in both”. (The big fancy theological term for this is “concomitance”.) In other words, Christ is not halfway present in the bread and halfway in the wine– he is fully present in both. So, if Heather was uncomfortable taking a sip of wine or even intincting her wafer for fear of triggering a relapse, and chose to consume only the Host and forego the cup, she would still be receiving the full Eucharist, the full presence of Christ, just as much so as if she chose to partake of both elements. Obviously, this is a deeply personal choice, and only she can decide what’s right for her as far as how she chooses to participate in the Eucharist.
There is absolutely a place for Heather Cook at the table. Jesus said, “Come unto me, all ye who labor and are heavy laden, and I shall give you rest.” All means all. All are welcome, including– and perhaps especially– those who are wounded and in need of the healing.
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